Will It Always Be A Susfu?
You think you are a good guy, inside out. You believe that. You want everybody to believe that. It works for the time being. You become happy, you stay happy. Then shit happens, you lose all faith in yourself, in everything.
It becomes harder for you to keep up with. You feel guilty. You want others to understand you, to realize what is going on with your mind. You forget that minds cannot be read.
You keep suffering. It feels like a permanent susfu for you. You want to see some light, some empathy. You want to comfort yourself by saying that, you were there for so many people, there must be someone for you too. But, alas! You keep getting destroyed because you had enormous expectations for yourself.
You want to alienate, doesn’t work. You have to be around. They need you, because that's the rule. You cannot escape. Or do you even want to escape? You suddenly realize, it's just you. No one is coming, no one is there. And, that's alright. It's the way things work. You want to get accustomed to it. You try, try, try... I hope you win.
Boishakh 1, 1429.
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